my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
