i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize