I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
