separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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