i permit you to call me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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