It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
