do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
