I want to stick my p in your. b.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
