im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
