You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
