I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
