i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
