I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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