I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
