just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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