I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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