My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
