What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
