I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
