two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize