I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
