Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
