the condom got lost in my hair
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
