This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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