i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
