hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sorry about my life...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
