i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
