just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
