Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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