When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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