i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
