she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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