He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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