you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY