And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.