Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
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Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night