These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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