Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
