I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
This house was built for laser tag.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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