If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
