be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
