Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
