Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
