90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
