I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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