Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
