im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
