How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
