God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
