He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
