just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
