doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
