I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
