Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
