I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
