Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
