your thong is hanging out like whoa
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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