Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
