Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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