mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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