You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
