Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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