instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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