seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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