apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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