Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
