You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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