i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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