This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
how does that bad decision feel?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
