Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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