Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
