If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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