he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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