i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
