Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
