There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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