i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
