Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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