You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
