It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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